TITLE: Washed Up
GENRE: YA Contemporary
My parents first had me commited when I was six years old.
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86 comments:
YES. Immediately I want to know why this child would be committed at age 6. And the word "first" means it happened again. I would read more to find out what's wrong with the MC.
Yes! I want to find out what's wrong with the MC.
Yes. I want to see the scene -- the parents putting the 6yo in the loony bin -- what led up to it, how it went down, etc. I immediately want to meet this character.
Yes. Repeated times of being committed, and starting at SIX? Gotta know the back story here.
Yes. But I'd like to see the mc's voice come through just enough to help me care enough to read more.
Yes, definitely. I want to know what's happened, and what kind of parents the MC has.
Yes. You had me at six years old.
Yes. Interesting stuff in this sentence. And NO Anonymous comments--read the rules. Also, this is a first line and not a first paragraph. Voice is not necessary.
No. I am a little bit confused, and it seems kind of heavy for a first sentence
Yes. It's simple and intriguing. I don't really need to say more.
Yes. I want to know why anyone would have their child committed at such a young age, and how many other times has this kid been committed.
No. Feels over-the-top and overdone. I think I've read a similar first line tons of times.
YES. I want to know more. Now.
YES. want to know why a child would be committed so early, and the rest of the story!
Yes -- curious to know more.
Yes. Caught me right away. Interesting and to the point.
Yes. I'd want to see where this is going.
Yes. This is top notch.
No: I echo the commenter above who says they feel like they've seen this sort of thing before
Yes. Interesting.
No. It's not a bad sentence, but I do feel as if I've seen this sort of thing before.
Yes, it's a great hook.
YES but the wording is awkward. I want to know why the MC is being locked up at six, but I don't like the way the sentence is written. Switch it up a bit for more POP!
Yes. I want to know why the MC was committed, and the "first" makes me think there may've been multiple times since then.
Yes. Wow. I can already tell this is going to be intense.
No. It packs a punch but maybe too much.
Yes, but a very weak yes because I don't think you can actually have a 6 year-old committed.
Yes. This raises a lot of questions, and I want to know the answers.
Yes, good tension and we want to know why a six-year-old would be committed!
Yes. Sets up an intriguing scenario - 6 is very young and 'first' is interesting too.
yes! Evil parents? Crazy MC? You got me.
Yes. I'm curious what a six year old could do that would warrant their parents committing them.
Yes. Great hook line.
NO, it's a personal thing, but is a major turn-off for me.
Yes, a good strong first line which relates to your title immediately.
Yes, but barely. I feel like I've seen this sort of thing before.
I want to know more ;) Not just about the MC, but about the parents.
YES! I want to know more. Not just about the MC, but about the parents. (Sorry, jumped in too quickly and didn't read the rules.)
Yes. I want to know why.
No. Strangely, I think I would like the story, but not care for the construction. I could have done without both "had" and "years old." Just my personal preference for the fewest possible words to get where you're going.
Yes. This grabs my attention.
YES! I don't normally read contemporary, but this is one heck of a first line. Wow.
Yes
I'd probably cautiously read more. It seems intriguing but six sounds a little too young. Of course, this is just a first sentence.
No, but mostly just personal taste.
Yes but barely, depending on how the next page or so plays out. If it's a bunch of back story, I'm probably out.
Yes, it's dramatic and pulls me in.
No. Feels like it has been done before as an opener. That is not to say the story is not original, just find an original opener.
Yes. But only just. Being commited at six sounds a bit unbelievable.
Yes, six is VERY young to be committed. I just hope the rest of your story goes along with this ;) Be interesting to see a character who has been in an institution since they were six.
Yes! Your writing has confidence and authority, and the idea of a six year old being committed is intriguing.
Yes!! I definitely want to know more about this kid.
Yes - grabbed me. But...check spelling of "committed."
Yes. Love the use of 'first.'
Yes. I felt empathy for the character right away.
Yes. "First" and the young age are intriguing.
Yes. I thought "wow, they must be messed up" if they were committed. I would read on.
Yes.
I am not sure six year olds can be committed but it makes me think this is one dangerous dude or dudette if he/she is THAT nuts.
Yes. This interests me.
Yes. I want to know what's going on with this character that the parents had her/him committed more than once starting at age six.
No. I know sometimes we type things in for these entries, but if this is a copy/paste from your ms, I'm worried for you. Right in your first sentence, you have a typo. Big turn off for me. Makes me wonder if your whole ms is riddled with typos.
Also, I didn't know six year old children can be "committed."
Yes. I want to know more about the MC, the parents, and where they are now.
Yes. I need to know if this is "committed", as in asylum, or if it's committed as in ceremonial committed like an arranged marriage. (Maybe my brain is working oddly...okay, very oddly...today, but with the title being "Washed Up", the latter seems possible!)
Dayum. Yes! Because I instantly feel for the character!
Yes! Excellent. Conflict and character. Ready for more.
Yes. I want to know more. How a 6 year old could even be committed.
No. It could be because I'm not fond of contemporary stories, but I have no clue what is meant by "comitted," so it doesn't really grab my attention. Then again, it seems to work well for those who do know what it references.
Yes. I want to know why this child was committed and what is happening to him or her now.
Yes. Not my favorite genre, but I'm compelled to find out how many times she had been committed - and why.
Yes! Either the MC has a lot of problems, or his/her parents are heartless! Either way, I'm hooked. Six years old. Wow!
Yes, but echoing Holly Bodger about doubting that a six year old can be committed. When my logic-brain starts arguing with the narrator, it's a bad sign for how much I'll enjoy the book.
Yes. Great conflict.
No. This does not happen in contemporary times. Now, if it was historical, dystopia or fantasy... I would be more interested in the dynamic between the paretns, child and the society that sanctions such actions..
Yes. Immediately intriguing, have to know why!
Yes. I want to know what's happened since then.
Yes. Six is so young - poor baby.
Yes.
The young age and the implication that it happened multiple times is intriguing. I would play around with the syntax a little more, though. (And I don't have trouble believing you can get psychiatric treatment for a young child.)
Yes. Something completely unique to this character and instantly makes me want to know why and how many times since.
Yes. Makes me wonder what was wrong with a six year old and why parents felt need to commit him/her. The question of what how many other times, when, and for what would keep me reading.
Yes. But I'm reading with one eye shut because I'm afraid of why a family would do this! :)
Yes, but with hesitation. It makes me want to read on and discover why, but it's depressing and I hope the rest of the story doesn't continue this way.
Yes. Reluctantly, because I think I'm going to get a chatty MC instead of a story. But I'd read more and hope.
Yes. This is different and I want to know why a six year old was comitted.
Yes. As a parent, I can't fathom committing my own child. I want to read more to find out why!
Yes. Definitely want to know what's going on here!
Yes, very interesting.
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