TITLE: Diamond Tears
GENRE: YA Fantasy
When my left temple slammed into the refrigerator door, I knew I’d have to get up extra early the next morning.
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85 comments:
Yes, but I can't tell if it's based on this line or on my previous encounters with this text, which I found intriguing.
Yes. It doesn't make sense to me why he'd have to get up early because his face slammed into a refrigerator, so I want to find out why.
No. The two events mentioned seem too disconnected. I can't wrap my brain around what hitting your temple has to do with getting up early.
No. I would think he/she would be screaming, not wondering. Sorry.
No because they don't seem to fit together. It is a little intriguing, but I'm too confused.
No. I'm not feeling it...why the two events would be related and the wording isn't enough to make me want to know why.
No, that was so confusing. Seems to me like this person would want an ice pack, not get up early.
No, because the two events seem disconnected.
No. It seems that if your temple hit the refrigerator door, you wouldn't be thinking about waking up the next morning. Seems disconnected.
No. I agree with the others who said the two events seemed disconnected. I had to read the sentence twice.
No. The second clause ruined the sentence.
No. It doesn't make sense.
Yes. I'm super clumsy and already TOTALLY relate with her.
Yes. If I hadn't read the first page, I would be confused like those who said no, but knowing who's slamming the MC's head into the refrigerator door and how used to it she has become, I would read on. I think my knowledge of this page may be cheating a little.
No. This makes no sense.
No, it's just overwrought and trying too hard. If the character's head is hitting a fridge, that's a really visceral moment in the novel -- pain, fear, violence -- and this seems like a great way to suck all the immediacy out of it by connecting it to a very pedantic thought.
No, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me and the events don't seem to connect right off the bat.
YES. Because I want to find out why getting your head slammed by a refrigerator has anything to do with getting up the next morning.
No. I wish I could put a maybe here instead, but something about the slamming head into door and getting up earlier the next day confused me.
No. "Left temple" is too specific, and makes me think the book's going to have too much useless detail bogging it down; plus, while an obscure connection can be intriguing, this one's too obscure.
No. Too disconnected, and not in an intriguing way. Sorry.
Yes. I'm curious about how the two events are connected, but it had better be something really good, because those are two really odd things to put together.
Yes. I want to know why hitting her left temple on the fridge means she has to get up early.
No.
I'm a little annoyed here because it had potential. slamming into the refigerator- interesting. Waking up the next morning? Not. And it shot out all the interesting out of the first part. Because if you hit your temple, and your worried about when you wake up the next day, means it's not a big deal. Means I'm not sure why I'm reading it.
That being said, this might just be voice that I don't get yet. Maybe it's sarcassm. But the problem is there is no way for me to know that here, and it doesn't come across, to me at least.
Yes, I also want to know how the two events are connected.
Yes. I want to know how the two events are connected. And I think the sentence shows a wry humor.
no. not sure what one has to do with the other. but i love the action in the first sentence so maybe just a little more clarity.
Yes, because I think the reason will make me laugh.
Yes. I want to find out how the events are related. I'm guessing MC has to get up early to cover bruise, which makes me think this might be domestic violence. Enough to make me want to read on.
No.
Was weird and disconnected that it was "when" her temple slammed into it that she knew she'd have to get up early.
No. The two parts of the sentence seem disconnected - I'm not sure how they relate.
No. Sorry, but I just don't know enough about the character to care as to why they will need to rise early.
No. If her temple slammed into something, she's probably not awake to think about it.
No. I don't get how the two events are related. Maybe the way the head hit rattled the thought in there or something more visual and catchy. If that makes sense.
No. The conclusion of the sentence was so far off base from the start that I was more confused than intrigued.
Yes. I'd read a bit more to find out why.
No. This is confusing and not in a way that makes me want to know why.
No, it seems like the character would think a lot of other things, like ouch, before thinking about the next morning.
No. It seems more like an ending of a scene than a beginning.
No. Need more background, more emotion, something else here, not a statement of action and unsupported thought.
No. The two halves of the sentence make no sense together.
No,
"left temple" sounds awkward. I think forehead would be better.
Yes. At the very least, I'd read the rest of the paragraph. I like the juxtaposition between the character being in what seems like a bad situation and his concern for the banal-seeming matter of the next day's schedule.
No -- not sure how the pieces fit together, and the confusion trips me up.
No, sorry. The two ideas don't seem connected.
No - personal preference - I can only take violence in a story when I already know why it is essential
Yes, it's not overly wordy to show the voice.
Yes. I admit I was torn and, like others, I was confused. But I'd at least read on to see how the first and second half of the sentence go together.
No, Disconected thoughts - as in "after my husband slapped me I knew I'd have to hurry and read for book club." Firt lines can be muindane but they should never be confusing.
No. I'm missing the connection between the two events.
Yes. The mundane way he/she responds makes this feel like a familiar event and I want to know more.
No. The two events don't seem related.
No. The two things seem unrelated and confusing.
No, doesn't make sense to me unless the early morning is for time to cover up the bruises, which isn't that interesting.
Yes. I want to know why these two seemingly disconnected events are connected.
Yes. It is rather disconnected and confusing, and it doesn't make much sense--but I know from personal experience that pain causes some really surreal reactions, and I'd like to know what happens.
No. You're first sentence should have the reader asking at least a question, who, what, why. Unfortunately, this does not.
No, I don't understand the cause and effect insinuated here.
No, left me scratching my head but not eager to read more.
No, I don't get what's happening and don't really care.
No. We've all done this before, and this doesn't seem different from everyday life.
Yes, because I want to know why the character needs to get up early.
No. I can't figure out how a temple can slam against a flat surface
No. The two events seem too unrelated to make sense but not compelling enough to make want to find out what it all means.
No. I'm curious about the first half of the sentence, but for some reason the second half drew me out of it.
No. The action doesn't make any sense, and neither does the reaction.
No. I have no idea why slamming a temple on a door makes you get up earlier. Too much confusion without enough to excite me.
No. It's cute, but the two ideas seem unrelated and I'm not buying that's the idea that went through the protag's head in that circumstance. I'd like to say if I were a teen I wouldn't care, but my 14yo tears apart books for things like this. (Doesn't stop her from reading them, she just whines about it.)
This isn't mine, but I feel compelled to comment even though no one's coming back to read this. If someone (dad, step-dad...) abuses you on a regular basis, wouldn't you want to get up extra early the next morning to avoid him? Those two thoughts are very connected.
No - the two halves don't seem connected and wouldn't entice me to read on.
No - does not make sense to me.
no. Do not see the connection.
@ Lanette
you got an abusive dad or step-dad from the first line? I got someone hitting their head on the door. You maybe righ tsince you obviously have more info but we are dealing with a first line here not a Jerry Springer show.
I admit, I've either read this first page somewhere or I've read something similar (not sure which). But to me it sounds like the voice of a teen who's trying to dodge daily abuse, which is why he/she realizes he must get up earlier tomorrow.
No.
Voice isn't there for me.
Hitting the head isn't enough info to make me care enough to read more.
No.
I couldn't logically connect the event with the conclusion. Also, the action seems to be at the refrigerator, but by the end of the first sentence, we're already thinking about the next day...
No. Confusing and it didn't grab me.
No. The two events seem unrelated. What does one have to with the other?
No. The temple reference is too specific and yet unconnected
No. Too much of a stretch to connect the dots.
No. It feels like it's trying too hard.
I read it as abuse that the MC is used to, and that she'll have to get up early to cover up the bruise. But I don't know enough about this character yet to care.
No, it didn't work for me. Did he/she fall, were they pushed? I don't know what's happening or what it has to do with the next day.
No. It just left me confused, and not in a I-can't-wait-to-see-what-happens-next kind of way, but a this-book-will-probably-confuse-me kind of way.
Yes.
No, because I'm sticking on the word 'left' and the comma. I also think 'the next morning' sounds a bit odd - I'd normally say 'in the morning' to myself, but maybe it's just me.
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