TITLE: Scents
GENRE: Young Adult
Someone once asked me how it felt to have faith.
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78 comments:
Short, simple, and I like it.
oops...YES!
YES: But if the next line is heavy handed I might be outta there.
Yes. It's a quiet line while suggesting a lot more.
Yes, just because this is a well written sentence. I feel like I'm in good hands, even if we could be going in a sappy direction. It also feels like an anti-hero... I like that. It makes me think the speaker doesn't have faith any more.
No. It feels flat, like the beginning of a text book.
No. I'd keep reading, maybe, but I'd be wondering if I accidentally picked up an inspirational fic on accident.
No. Boring. No tension. Need more. Sorry.
Yes. It brings up a lot of questions. The first sentence seems to connect personally with the reader.
No. But that's a personal preference as I avoid books with strong 'faith' themes as they often are counter to my personal beliefs.
Yes. It's simple and I already have a feeling of what the next few sentences will talk about.
No. Personally, I don't like the faith part.
No
That was a tough no though. I feel like it needs more. The next sentences might give that, I don't know. But as is, it's an "eh" for me.
No. Maybe if the writer made it more immediate - not 'someone once asked' but 'My best friend in middle school' or 'my English tutor'. If it's important enough to the story to open with, it needs to be important enough to have specific details.
Yes, at least to the next sentence or two because I'm curious to know what the answer is.
Yes. But close to getting a no. I'd be really wanting the next sentence to give me more.
yes. i know there must be strong faith there to be noticed from the outside, and am interested in knowing more.
Yes. Why does she have faith. Interesting enough to make me want to read more.
No. Personally not into faith.
No. I feel a lesson coming on.
No, feels generic and dry and just didn't catch me.
Yes. Simple and intriguing. I also like things involving faith.
No. It feels very generic to me.
No. I don't like the idea of focusing on "someone" rather than an actual person, or better yet, a significant character.
No. I like the faith part, but like Holly said, the "someone" part feels too vague. I have no sense of character or setting with this opening line.
No. I'd be more interested if the main character was the one asking. Having faith does not seem as abnormal as wondering what it feels like.
Yes.
Because this line says something about our MC--why would someone choose her to ask?
I'm expecting the next lines to be straightforward and simple, something that illuminates our character. Or perhaps a twist or surprise. But not a faith-heavy answer.
No. It sounds like the intro. to a sermon.
No, seems quite cliched. The kind of story which has a disbeliever turned into a believer. Your story may be very different though.
Yes, interesting. We don't even know what our MC has faith in- could be a sports team or that they're going to win the sing-off. But it does pique my curiosity.
Yes, but if it turns preachy, I'll put it down pretty fast.
Yes. I can continue on to see what's next.
No. So what if the MC has faith? Many people have faith--in all sorts of things; many people have faith in nothing. There's no reason to care about the character's faith, at least not in this first sentence.
Yes
I'd be interested to read more to see what is so important about this character's faith.
Yes, curious.
Yes, it's a great opening line and as part of the author's editing group I can say I know where this story goes and it is a fantastic and different concept. I understand the comments from the people that wrote no, but if you had an opportunity to read this story, your concerns would be put to rest! I don't read too many stories I say are awesome, but this is definitely one that is. Good luck!
Yes,but I need to see this develop quickly.
Yes, I like exploration of faith issues.
No, this is one of those lines that just feels like it's trying too hard. I'd rather get a feel for the scene and the character.
Yes, but the next line better reverse my expectations or I would not continue.
No. It feels like I'm about to be preached at.
No - on the fence.
Depends on your following paragraphs. I feel like I've read sentences like this before. But if your MC is strong enough in the next few paragraphs it could hook me. It really depends - but based on this sentence alone? No.
No. Not for me and not enough to keep me reading.
YES! This sets the tone. I trust the writer to deliver on the promise of a well written and thought provoking story.
No. This feels generic. What is unique about your story?
Yes. Simple, but leaves me wanting to know the MC's response.
No. Sermon coming.
No. Not only is it generic, why would I care about one random teen's take on an eternal philosophical question?
Yes, but I hope the rest of the opening isn't super heavy.
Yes.
I want to read more and it is an interesting question both from the POV of what the answer would be and why the question was asked.
No. Faith in what? Too vague for me.
No...unless the next few lines convey that the character doesn't know if s/he has it to begin with or is struggling with it, so there is some conflict. Otherwise it would feel like a religious story to me.
No. It just doesn't grab me. Someone once asked you a question about your faith. That's not all that interesting.
No.
My immediate assumption about the character who leads with their faith is that they are going to be preachy and make me very uncomfortable.
Yes, but it's going to depend very heavily on the next sentence. This one doesn't quite set up enough plot or voice for me, but it sets up a huge theme in a very pretty way, and the next sentence can easily carry plot and characater if done right.
Yes. What kind of faith? Faith in another person, religion, or Santa? I could go so many directions; I'd like to find out. I'm also curious about the answer.
No. The line explains nothing, it's too general. Doesn't peak my interest.
yes , I like it because it reminds me of movie that begins where it ends and shows you the timeline of events. .
yes , I like it because it reminds me of movie that begins where it ends and shows you the timeline of events
Yes,,,,,I love it. I do not think it sounds like a sermon coming as others have written but makes me think of a dramatic interesting story is about to come into my life.
Yes. I like the simplicity.
Yes
No. Because it sounds like it's going to be something preachy or about religion
No. Doesn't sound like anything I would be interested in reading.
Yes. I want to know how he/she answered them!
No. Faith in what? God, religion, fate, hope, self? Lots of people do. Would be more interesting if narrator had faith in something atypical.
Yes! What is the MC about to embark on that is so dark her faith is questioned in the first line?
No.
I waffled. I like stories about faith, but this was very vague and didn't really say much. I want a hint as to a twist--faith in something odd (like Santa)... or that the "someone" lacks faith in something fundamental, like gravity... I'd like to have read the first three sentences.
Yes. Immediately grabs me.
Yes,
It's vague enough to interest me in reading more but at the same time it succinctly communicates a major theme of the book.
YES. Yes yes yes! This is haunting, and I love exploration of faith. It's a very quiet line which hints at voice. Personally, I feel the 'no's' which come from personal biases can be thought of as a preferential thing, because faith concepts are verryyy personal. A yes from me though :)
YES. There's something warm and simple. I feel like someone is talking to me and I want to know what he/she is going to say.
No. My first impression was that it felt heavy, like a sermon coming on. I'd like to believe there's about to be a gun held to the MC's head and someone saying, "well, it didn't help;" but I'm not feeling that here. It seems warm and fuzzy and feel good from the beginning and I don't see a journey to follow.
No. It doesn't make me care.
Yes. I'm curious as to why this conversation is being had.
No, it's too plain for my taste.
No. Didn't do enough to pull me in.
No. I agree with a previous commenter - it does feel a little flat to me.
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