TITLE: Repent
GENRE: Suspense
I wonder if he’ll cry.
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74 comments:
Yes. I immediately hope he doesn't cry and want to find out whether he does.
Yes. I want to know why he might cry.
No, but there's not enough information in that one 5 word sentence to pull me forward. Who's wondering? Who's crying? Why should I care?
No. Not enough information. I know it's only the first sentence, but it doesn't hook me just yet. Maybe it will after the first paragraph, but right now, I don't know enough.
Yes. I'm not sure if we're supposed to say if we're hooked or if we'd read on. Some have said no but that they would read on. Either way, I'm curious and would read on, besides I love suspense.
Yes, I want to know why he's going to cry.
No. I'm a parent. My kid cries all the time, and crying is not something that I find super interesting.
Tell me who he is and why he's crying, and more importantly, why I care that he's crying, and then I'm interested.
No. Not enough there to pull me forward.
Yes. It was simple, which I like. And there was just enough to make me curious.
Yes, it is simple and original. The thought provoking voice makes me want to read more.
Yes. Very curious.
No. Too generic.
Yes. I wonder too.
Yes. I was on the fence with this one. It is a little generic, but ultimately, I decided I wanted to keep reading to find out why he'd cry.
No. Everybody cries at some time or another. I have no reason to care at the moment.
NO. Too short. I can't bring myself to care whether "he" will cry or not. I need to be invested in "he" but I'm not.
No. I don't know who 'he' is and have no reason to care whether or not he's crying.
No. And I feel for you, since clearly you need to be in the narrator's head for the start of the story. I don't think you should change it, unless you can show the situation a but more, just make sure your *next* sentence is a strong hook.
No.
But only as a first sentence, I can see this going some place interesting. But jugding just this line, I can't give it a yes. Just doesn't scream interesting to me, I don't know enough yet.
yes, but i wish there was a little more info. would be more interested if he is an adult, less if he is a baby.
Yes. Despite the (admitted) shortness of this line, there's still enough possibility - and character - to keep my going. The narrator is distanced - seems like something traumatic is about to happen, but he/she is merely contemplating a reaction instead of sympathizing. Wanting to find out why and what the traumatic event is would move me forward.
Yes, I'm a huge fan of short, punchy sentences and this definitely pops.
Yes. It makes me think I'm in the head of the villain & I want to know what's up.
No. That's the sort of thing bullies used to wonder on the playground, and I don't want to spend time with a protagonist who has that mentality.
No, sounds too much like a girl wondering about a boy she broke up with or something, although I'm sure I'm way off base.
No. Not enough to sink my teeth into.
No. Not quite a big enough punch for me.
Yes. I need to know what's next.
No, too simple and common.
Yes. I want to know if it's a thought or a command or what. Sometimes simple is good and I'm wondering all sorts of things now.
No. Who is he and who is wondering and why are they only wondering?
Yes. A very loaded sentence, one that would get me to at least read the first page.
Yes, it's simple - and at first, I thought "it's too simple." But thinking about it, it still makes me curious... and it made me think - so those are two strikes for yes!
Yes. Perfect tone for the genre and makes me want to know more.
Yes. It is a very loaded few words.I have so many questions about what comes next.
Yes. I will read on to find out why he might cry but, depending on the reasoning, no guarantees beyond that.
No. There's not enough here to really hook me. Give me a little more.
Yes, I'm interested enough to read on.
Yes, I'm interested enough to read on.
Yes. An immediate yes. Love the conflict of male and crying. Very macho vs. emotion.
Yes
I like books that show a softer side to guys, so I'd want to see what exactly is going on.
No. Sounds more MG than Suspense.
No. It's tough to start with dialogue and nothing stands out as special here.
Yes. In a sort of probationary sense. I'd read the rest of the paragraph, because there's a shot you'll hook me.
Yes, I want to know who might cry and why.
Yes.
Simple and straightforward and makes me want to know who? why?
No, not enough for me to go on here.
No. Not enough info.
No. I'm craving more in this sentence to make it more of a statement.
Yes. Depending on the next sentence; I'd be forgiving of a short first sentence like this if the next sentence is good.
Yes. It's such a simple way to set up a scene, and it leaves me with enough questions that I want to know more.
Yes, curious.
No. This gives me no sense of who might be crying, who's wondering, how they feel about him possibly crying, or why I should care about any of it. Without some little hint about one or more of those, I'm not intrigued enough to keep reading to find out.
Yes. The short, dark possibilities of this sentence draw me in.
Yes. I would like to know more and it's a very good first sentence for a suspense novel.
No. It's emotional, but it's a little generic. However, it's a good build-up to a stronger second sentence. OR, it may make a good second sentence.
Yes. I want to know more.
Yes. Because I want to know who will be crying and why. But could be stronger with a detail or two.
No. Mostly because I have no idea who is talking/thinking and I don't know the possible crier enough to care if he cries or not.
No. I don't know who "he" is yet and don't care if he cries or not.
Yes... though a lot would ride on the second sentence, because what's catching my attention is wondering who "he" is and what would make him cry.
No. Not enough there to make me care.
No. Maybe. There's not enough information for me to be invested, although if it were a book, I'd have a blurb and cover to draw me in - hence the maybe. It's close.
Yes. The simplicity of this sentence is appealing (to me) and I would keep reading to see why he might cry.
Yes.
Very short and simple, but provocative in the story questions it raises.
No. It didn't offer anything.
No. While interesting (because it's a man that might cry, which you don't see often), it doesn't grab me.
Yes. Who is he and what kind of situation is he in that could result in him crying.
No. Unnamed pronouns in the first sentence and paragraph is a turn-off.
No. Nothing to hook me here
No, there isn't enough information to grab me.
Yes. I immediately want to know who he is and why he might cry and who's thinking it and why.
Yes. Nothing fancy but delivers.
I'm going to go with yes, assuming some decent action follows. If a bunch of navel gazing or backstory follows, it would lose its impact.
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