TITLE: Heart's Conviction
GENRE: Historical Romance
A cool September wind carried a gathering fog and the rank smell of sewage from the Thames.
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75 comments:
Yes. Some intriguing conflict and good description.
Yes. Good scene setting in one sentence.
Yes. It seems like a good description that makes me want to learn more.
No. Maybe it's just me, but I'm not into first lines that give description of the setting unless it's unbelievably shocking.
Yes. The well worded description makes me think I'm starting a well-written novel. Bonus points for the London setting.
This is my favorite first line so far.
No. It tells me nothing of the plot, only setting.
Yes. I don't mind when people start with setting. And I like the clear picture you created.
Yes. Evocative.
Yes. I'm into it because I like the mood. But wind generally disperses fog, causing it to *not* gather.
No. It doesn't do anything for me.
Yes. Nice writing. But I might also tag on a bit at the end, showing the MC standing there on the soil or something.
No. Too wordy.
Yes. I'm going to say yes. While I think I'd prefer story/character in the first sentence, as apposed to description-- I still liked it. I like how it started out with "cool september wind" and ended with "dank sewage". The contast is interesting. But you'd better get to the point fast.
No. I like the description, but don't have reason to care about it yet. I want a character and their reaction to the setting rather than just a description of it. Or the character doing something.
No. But if you added in the narrator's reaction - a memory, a thought, a *something* which shows us his reaction to the setting I'd probably have said yes.
NO. Too many adjectives in the first sentence.
Yes. Even though there are too many adjectives, I still like it enough to want to keep reading. The mood is set. But the rest needs to be stronger to keep interest.
No -- too much going on here for me, and none of it is character or plot development (I realize others may be more inclined to like setting as set-up than I am). Also, I had the same thought that the wind usually disperses fog rather than gathering it.
no. a little too wordy for the first line to draw me, but i do like the image
No.
There's nothing here to pull me into the story. Plus, it's one of those 'weather' beginnings that editors always say they dislike.
No. I dislike openings that start with landscape description.
No. Weather is kind of Blah as an opening.
Yes. I don't know if it's supposed to make me laugh, but it did. And it brought to life what it was really like back then.
No, there's wind, for, and a foul order all in one sentence, plus addejectives for each. It's too much.
Yes, it's an interesting description. But if you didn't get to the characters in another sentence or two, I'd lose interest.
No. Too atmospheric with nothing happening.
No. It doesn't grab me enough to want to know more. To me, it could be the opening line of plenty of books. I'd want something more unusual and distinct.
No. It is a little to flowery for my personal tastes.
No. I always worry whenever a first sentence focuses entirely on setting and not the characters in it.
No, nothing about plot or character mentioned.
No. I'd be more apt to read on if the 'a gathering fog and' portion was edited out. Otherwise this is too wordy and ambiguous to grab me.
No. Sets a nice scene, but no one there to see it. (Wind and fog are not usually found together.)
Yes, but I'd cut out the gathering fog.
No. Nice imagery, but I'm not connected to the story.
No. The imagery is well done, but I don't have much to go on other than that.
No - well done, well written, and gross. But it doesn't tell me anything about the characters.
Though starting off a romance with the word sewerage in the first sentence is... interesting. hah
Yes
I happen to be a fan of opening with good imagery.
No. It's nice imagery and well-written, but would do better somewhere other than the first line.
Yes. I love anything having to do with London.
No, I'm torn. I want to like this but I think with some work this could sound stronger. It reads like a string of details but it isn't all that compelling. If the character was actively participating in being turned off from the scent, or lost in the fog, I think I would care more.
Yes. But the next lines better tell me something about the characters, unless this is a story about the Thames.
Yes, nice scene setting although I think it would be stronger putting the fog off to a later sentence.
No. Although it's quite possible to have fog while it's windy (I've never seen that), it distracted me. The sewage smell was a turn off for an opening. Mentioning the smell of sewage just doesn't seem to be the way to begin a historical romance. At least IMO.
Yes. As much as I want to say don't open with the "it was a dark and stormy night," the genre can support a sentence like this, and it's got nice imagery.
No. I'm not closing the book yet, but you also don't have me yet. I like the sensory details, but I'd hope to see the characters soon.
No.
If you lost one of the three sets of adjectives then I would re-think but there are too many modifiers in too short a space (even for the genre) and that makes me think the rest of the book might be a tough slog. Keep some of them by all means but resist the urge to dress up every noun or verb.
No. No conflict, only information about the setting.
No. Don't like opening with setting description, doesn't feel interesting.
No. Too many adjectives.
Yes, seems appropriate for the genre.
Yes, I think it does a nice job of setting the scene. I do hope the character is brought in very quickly, though.
No. I like the imagery, but this is effectively kicking off the story with a weather report. I'd rather see something happening, and then a picture of where it's happening.
Yes. I don't like "carried a gathering fog," because that doesn't make much sense to me, but I would like to keep reading because I feel instantly transported to the setting. I like really being "in" the setting when I read.
No. Only descriptive of setting. I need someone to care about.
Yes. Anytime a book is set in foggy England my interest is caught.
Yes, I like the description. Creates the setting quite nicely. Though it probably does depend on the sentences afterwards as to how strong it is in the story itself.
No. My eyes glaze over during setting description on my best days, so it just doesn't work to hook me in a first sentence. If the next line has some action in it, though, you might catch me before I close the book.
Yes. The description sets a mood, especially the part about the sewage smell, but it would be better if you could add a character in somehow to experience the smell.
Yes. The description sets up an unsettling mood for me. I want to know more.
Yes. For the genre it sets the scene well enough to make me want to read further.
No. I'd like to get away from the smell of sewage since I'm aparently alone in the gathering fog. Pity, I could use a handsome rake about now...
No. I can't visualize a wind and a gathering fog. Wouldn't the wind blow the fog away?
Yes. Descriptive writing that isn't overboard and draws me in.
No. All I have is a fog and stink and neither are appealing.
No. All I have is a fog and stink and neither are appealing.
Yes.
I'll buy it for an historical. It's the right style, and I did like that it seemed romantic description at the front and then ran into sewage. It could stand some trimming, though, and all in all, I would have prefered character to setting.
Yes. Great juxtaposition of scene elements.
No. The scenery, fog and sewage, wasn't interesting enough.
Yes. Nice description of the setting.
Yes. I'm in the moment right from the start and now I'm curious to what's next.
No, I'm not too hip on openings that focus on description.
No. Fog and bad smells seem like cliched descriptions for historical London.
Yes.
Yes. The writing s solid and I have faith ths is taking me somewhere pleasurable.
No, but only because I think there's too much. I'd lose the September wind or the fog e.g. have the stink roll in with the fog or blow in with the wind.
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