A blog for aspiring authors
Yes. Hints at good conflict.
Yes. I have reservations, though. If the MC's a complete narcisist, I'll put it down immediately, but I'd give it at least half a page to see if it's something I would like.
Yes, shows me that Brina is strong and perhaps proud and suggests that something is happening that she's trying to hide. I want to know more.
No. It feels awkward, like I know what the writer is trying to say, but there has to be a better way to say it.
Yes. There's enough characterization that I want to know more about Brina. Though the word 'questionable' did throw me a bit.
No. She sounds both narcissistic and emo. I'd keep reading, but I'm kind of put off by books that start out with something related to the MC's physical description.
No. It doesn't raise any questions, and it is slightly unoriginal.
No: i second the emo comment
Yes. Sounds disastrous.
Yes. Liked the humor.
Yes. I'm curious as to why she feels this way. But I also agree with Amanda about the awkwardness of the word 'questionable'.
No. the word questionable bothers me.
No. Sentence structure was awkward. I had to reread the end.
No. Not interesting. We should all try to look decent. Never know who you might meet.
No.I hate vain characters. That's all I see here.
No. I don't really care about a character obsessing about their looks and not loving the 'questionable'.
No. I agree that this doesn't set up a character I'd be at all interested in knowing more about.
NO. What is her "questionable best?" It sounds like you meant absolute best. That little bit threw me off.
No -- the sentence feels awkward to me, and the issue of whether or not she looks her best doesn't really grab me.
Yes - I like the voice so far.
Yes, I like the voice and the word "questionable" shows that she isn't a narcissist.
No. Questionable best? I don't understand...
Yes, intrigued enough to read the next line. If her best is questionable, why is it so important to look that way?
No. The MC seems shallow and I don't understand what "questionable best" means.
Yes, funny! Shows she's not that vain and has a sense of humor.
Yes, I had those moments in high school (YA) and am wondering what makes her appearance questionable.
Yes. 'questionable best' means she's maybe got some self image issues and that makes her flawed, which I love. I want to know more.
No. "Questionable" confused me.
No. I was tripped up by what the heck, 'less than her questionable best' means.
Yes - I want to know what questionable best means.
Yes. Kind of funny and made me chuckle.
Yes. But it better pick up. I'm questioning some snottiness in MC, but that could be fun. Or it could be just plain annoying and I'd put the book down.
Yes. Offers an immediate conflict, but the word 'questionable' is awkward.
No. I don't think this is the strongest way to start your book.
No. You lost me at 'questionable best.'
No. It seems like too many opening sentences start with cliches like "she knew better than to..." and I didn't quite understand looking her "questionable best."
No. A bit cliche for me.
YesI'd like to see what happens since she doesn't look very good.
No. I like the "questionable best" here, but I don't really like reading about characters who are overly concerned with physical appearance.
No. I was confused about questionable best. It sounds nice, but didn't complete the picture for me.
Yes. BecauseI want to know what questionable best is.
No, it feels like a sentence that should come later. I got a little tripped up by "questionable best."
No. Maybe if you added the risk if she did it would be more interesting.
No. Feels generic. Is there something unique to your story you could start with?
Yes. I think there is definite voice and it caught my attention.
Yes. "Questionable best" got me. I want to know what's questionable about it.
No. This doesn't show me anything interesting about the character.
No. Doesn't grab me.
No.Makes the MC look self-absorbed and 'questionable' best was awkward to me.
Yes. I like what this says about the character, even though the last half of this is slightly awkward.
Yes, but only because the word 'questionable' has me curious.
No. There's no sense of why it matters how she looks, other than because she cares--which isn't that interesting. If there's some horrible repercussion for going out without her mascara, let's see it.
No. I'm not getting "questionable best", at all. Questionable is negative, so even if it's a matter of her style being different than others', it wouldn't be questionable to her. I'm not sure it means what you want it to say.
No--blech, she sounds really shallow, and I don't feel any set-up for conflict that I'd care about.
Yes. I like these people who know better than do whatever anyway.
No. I have a feel for the character, and it might work better when read with other sentences, but it just doesn't feel that much of a hook to me. Maybe not enough hint at conflict?
Yes. Suggests conflict and gives us a little hint at Brinna's character. Though, I'm confused about what "her questionable best" means.
No. Doesn't seem to be my kind of story.
No. Nothing there to make me care.
No. A lot of teen girls are caught up with their appearance, nothing new there. 'Questionable best' lost me.
No. Questionable best? It doesn't read right for me.
No.I was confused by "questionable best," and wasn't sure if her best is really awesome or her best is actually not so great. The first I couldn't care less about; the second would interest me if it were made clearer.
No. Too thrown by "questionable best."
No. It seems superficial.
No. Probably because I don't put much stock in how I look before leaving the house.
No. This character sounds like she'll annoy me too much.
No. It seems like she thinks she can't live up to someone else's standards and that kind of insecurity doesn't appeal to me.
No. It's not captivating or unique.
No. Too general and familiar.
No, doesn't grab me sorry.
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