TITLE: Into the Deep
GENRE: YA - Fantasy
I've always been afraid of the water.
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73 comments:
Yes. Fear of water means something interesting and probably disturbing is coming.
Yes. There is a forboding of danger.
Yes. I want to know what's coming out of the water to eat her. Also this line has a nice cadence and I like the restraint she demonstrates in simple word choice here.
Yes. I like the directness.
Yes. It's short and sweet, but delivers.
Yes. It makes me want to know why.
No. The line feels a bit generic.
No. I want more context here, a sense of place or situation.
Yes. Hints at something dark.
Yes: would certainly read on
Yes. I'm a big fan of the simple, and this is intriguing to me.
Yes. Good lead in for the MC
Yes. But only because of the title, knowing the MC is going to have to go into the water. I'd want to see how that conflict played out.
No. Too generic.
No. Gazillions of people are afraid of water.
No -- a little too generic for me (though this is one I might give a chance if the follow up lines were great).
Yes. Shows mc weakness right from the start.
NO. A lot of people are afraid of the water. There's not enough to hook me for that reason.
No, I feel like it would be stronger if it was" afraid of water" instead of "afraid of the water."
yes. something bad is going to happen.
Yes. Love the sense of foreboding going on.
Yes. Short, to the point, and invites further exposition.
No. I don't want to know that she's afraid of water. I want to know why.
Yes, but "the water" is clunky. I would just say water.
No. I'd prefer to know why being afraid of the water is important for this character.
Yes, because of how the intro and title relate.
Yes. With the title, it screams that something bad is going to happen.
Yes. Nice, simple, and I need to know more.
No, feels too generic especially in context of the title.
Yes. Why afraid of water and better yet, why is MC in, on, or around water? And they better be to have this intro. If MC is having random thought, I'd move on.
YES. Such a simple statement, but paired with the title, I know there's something way more complicated going on and I want to know what that is.
Yes. The protag is facing a fear which is immediatel conflict. I'd like to read more.
Yes
I'm interested to know what's going on.
Yes. Why? Where? How? I want to know more of what's going on.
Yes. Take out "the".
No. I want more substance. Reading the next few sentences might pull me in though.
Yes, but only if the next few paragraphs were good. I like how it ties in with the title.
Yes - a title like that with a first line like that tells me that your MC is going to have to get over their fear. There's an adventure here.
Yes, I want to know why and it's a clear opening.
No. Feels generic. Many people are afraid of the water.
No. I think it needs a second clause that gives some context.
Yes. Many people can relate. This sentence makes me feel a sense of foreboding. Is there a shark circling? Did his/her friend accidentally fall overboard? Is he/she unable to swim? Although it's not original, it piques my interest.
No. I'd like a bit more information about the speaker or the situation. A lot of people are afraid of the water.
Yes. Combined with the title it works very well to set up the conflict.
Yes. Love it. Conflict right off the bat. Leave us wondering why? What happened to make this person that way? All good questions that make me want to keep reading. Great job!
Yes.
I like the simplicity of it and I want to know why (afraid)and why is he/she bringing it up now.
Yes, I immediately want to know why.
Yes. Sounds ominous.
Yes. The combination of the title and a fear of water sets up an instant conflict.
Yes. Fear's a good place to start.
Yes, I'd read on to see if the first paragraph grabbed me. It would depend on how you used the first line whether it would utimately make me buy the book.
No. It seems like it's trying too hard to impress me with fear, and I'm not really impressed by fear alone. Lots of people are afraid of water.
Yes. Water and all it conjures in the imagination is very complex and inherently dangerous. I'd read on.
Yes, as long as the narrator means "the water" and not just ordinary water. "The water" suggests mystery.
Yes. There's a conflict, I want to know what the problem with the water is, and I suspect this will play into the plot later in the story.
Yes. The line lays out a promise that the conflict is going to have to do with the main character having to deal with something they fear greatly.
Yes, but hesitantly. The line is rather generic and doesn't distinguish the MC from the rest of the aquaphobic population. I'd read a few more sentences, though, and see if it gets more specific.
Yes. I'd read to find out why, but it could be stronger with a little bit more detail.
Yes. As someone who is also afraid of the water, I assume the MC will be forced to deal with his/her phobia. It's not a terribly interesting or original first line, but I still want to know what happens.
Yes (barely). Not much to go on, but enough to make me read the next sentence (at least).
Yes - because it was THE water. This intrigued me because it implied there was something sinister about a particular body of water. Without THE, my comment would be similar to others, ie, so what - many people are frightened of water.
Yes. It's vague and makes me want to see the phobia justified.
Yes. Foreboding and well-phrased, a literary and stylized beginning. I'd hope for that to continue.
Yes. It's just enough to pull me on to the next sentence. And I appreciate that you didn't try to say everything in the first sentence.
Yes. Immediately drawn in why is this person afraid, who are they, and why does this fear matter now?
Yes. Opening with a strong emotion we can all relate to.
No.
It's too simple a statement, matter-of-fact, about a fairly common fear. It needs "more" in the form of a specific fear or a fear of a specific kind/location of water or some idea that the fear is a result of something else to catch my interest.
No. Show me the MC's fear, don't tell me.
Yes. It's a little cliche, but I'm curious to why this person is afraid of the water.
Yes. I want to know why he/she is afraid of water. Captivated!
No. I like it, but would need to read more to say that I'm 'hooked'.
Yes, could work, assuming the next sentences are good ones.
Yes! Begins by telling a bit about the character. I can tell that something bad is coming. I like it!
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